Christmas Morning.

i just love these photos of little miss S. if you are wondering what the white things is to the left on the top picture it is the door jam. crop it out you say? nah. that would make it too perfect.

today was candy day. it was a good day. i was tired at the end. scout was angry at the end. hayden was whiny at the end. my mom kept going at the end. go mom, go.

on the menu was:
peanut butter balls (or, little bits o' heaven, as i like to call them)
g-ma larsen's fudge (this stuff is the real thing. none of that marshmallow/chocolate chip crap--my apologies if that is the way you make fudge. apologies for calling it crap not because you make it that way)
white chocolate dipped pretzels
ginger snaps dipped in white chocolate
rice krispie treats
toffee

tired of fighting blogger and picture arranging. take it or leave it. the fam. gingerbread houses (ours was a gingerbread train, of course). dec 13th. good times.

Tales o' My Children

Moments with Mr. H:

1. I was in the restroom the other day when I hear "Help me! Help me! The light in the family room fell down!" -he'd knocked down a floor lamp.

2. H. has taken up singing. His favorites are Jingle Bells pronounced Dingle Bells, ABC song, and Old McDonald which is apparently Uh-Oh Donald. Speaking of songs and Jingle Bells. I have the Barbra Streisand  Christmas cd and it has a version of Jingle Bells on it (a Ras family favorite, I might add). In this version Babs sings about going on a sleigh ride and the horse gets stuck in a bank and sleigh gets "upsot". After saying it the first time she repeats "upsot" as if to say, "huh? what kind of word is that?" Hayden thinks this is hilarious. He walks around the house saying, "Upsot?" at which point he breaks into giggles.

3. Sometimes Hayden gets upset and to calm him down I distract him by asking him the colors and/or numbers of the various Thomas trains. A few weeks back I had a wee bit of a melt down and was crying on the bathroom floor (nothing to worry yourself over. just go without sleep for the better part of two years then let me know if you don't have any of these moments). Hayden squats down next to me and puts his hand on my knee then says, "Mama. What color is Percy? Is he Pink? Nooo. He's Green!"

 On Monday evening I was doing the dishes and ran into the island with my hip. It hurt and I yelled, "ouch!" Brent and Hayden were in the family room and I hear B. tell H to see if I'm ok. Hayden comes running in saying, "Okay. What color is Stanley?"

Smart kid. What am I going to do when he's a teenager? He'll have figured out all of my parenting tactics by then and will possibly use them against me.

As for little Miss S. She is just a delight. I really don't know how in the world I got so lucky to have two good natured children. She laughs, she smiles and she just lights up a room. She still army crawls--don't think she'll ever crawl crawl. She pulls herself up onto anything that will hold her weight. She shuffles along the furniture once she's standing. She literally does NOT stop moving unless she's asleep. And she loves her brother almost as much as I do. What a fab-o kid.

me. my birthday. i rock.

last year i wrote an ode to myself on my birthday and it was good. i'll admit i'm a pretty cool cat and deserve(d) and ode. this year, however, i'd like to write about the people who helped to make me me.

* my mom and dad.  what can a girl say about her practically perfect parents? i know that people won't believe that, but really to me--especially growing up--my parents seemed well, just about right. oh, sure there were little things that were weird or bugged me. like when my mom complained just loud enough for a store clerk to hear if she thought their service was less than friendly or my dad and his never ending homeopathic pharmacy he runs out of the pantry. but these are minor things and sometimes fairly lovable. i mean, what could say "i love you" more than sending you home with little baggies of vitamin c and echinacea and stomach comfort and antibacterial foam stuff? the thing is my parents taught me what they were supposed to teach me and then let me do with it what i was so inclined. and, let's be honest, that could not have been easy (do the initials am ring a bell? anyone? anyone?).
they also taught me, through example, to be curious. be curious about other cultures, religions, and ways of life. they gave me a passion for reading and studying that i'm still grateful for. they taught me how to love education and school and learning. how many people really love school? i do. if i could make money being a student, i would do it in a heart beat. got that from my parents. they taught and showed me where i could turn in some of my darkest hours and for that i am eternally grateful.

* my sibs. man. i love them, and the longer they are gone the more i realize that. is that why someone decided that moving far far away was a good idea?
i miss them, you know? i miss that companionship even if we aren't a game playing family.

* the man. i love my husband more than he knows. he has the biggest heart to go with the grumpiest demeanor. he loves to stir the pot just to get a reaction (and boy does he). he has helped me to see who i can be and who i want to be. he, daily, puts up with my incredibly odd idiosycrosies.-- i know, i'm ridiculously good looking, but under all that i'm a bit of a weirdie and he's okay with that. could a girl ask for anything more? he teaches me about perserverence and taking pride in what you do. he teaches me how to be a better me, though truthfully, i don't always listen. he teaches me that relationships are work and they should be work and it's okay if it doesn't work every day as long as you continue to work. he's taught me the value of work (even more than my parents and that is saying something). he's taught me that some men are capable and willing and will do everything in their power to take care of their family. he's a good guy, my man and i wouldn't trade him for the world.

* my children. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i am not a natural with children. i'm better with my own than other people's, but even with them i struggle to do it right. some days i'm a complete failure when it comes to them and other days i amaze myself with my child rearing abilities. raising them is definitely a journey--and one i've only just begun.
i don't know that i truly knew who i was before they came. there is a part of me that i swear did not exist before they arrived and it's a part of me that i kind of like. those two are my air, my light, and my life. i couldn't live without them and i hope i'll never have to. it is astounding what a smile from them can do for my day. i love them with all that is in me and i hope i can do right by them more often than not. but, just in case...i do have a therapy fund for each of them, because you just never know.

truth be told this post is really just the beginning and doesn't do justice to the people who have helped to shape me and whom i couldn't do without, but ...

happy birthday to me. i love you, brenthaydenscoutmomdadandyjannascottdavidal et al.

ps-i apologize for mispelled words. i can't seem to find the spell check.

Tradition!

Our day of cutting down a Christmas tree. Yes, little S and I were in attendance I just didn't take photos of us.

Festival of Trees and the Gingerbread Train.

Mr. H. very very sad to leave the Gingerbread train because it apparently was the Polar Express.

Thanks to all of you who gave me ideas for some traditions. I love them and will do some them this year and some when the wee ones get old enough to appreciate them.

i've got the cutest kids.

a few pictures of the chitlins. little s. and big h. are growing crazy fast and i love it. though i still don't appreciate when people say that s. is a "big baby". --yeah, well, so are you.

i'm in need...

of ideas for christmas season traditions.


what are your traditions? what do you do with your kids? your family? your spouse?

i'm really hoping for some responses on this one, though if we follow history this will be a post to which no one responds...

here's to hopin' you can help me out.

xoxo
j

there are times

in my life when i am unexplainably happy. right now, at this moment: 8:18pm on november 22nd i. am. happy. i'm not sure why, but

maybe it's because my two year old just "read" where the wild things are to me.
maybe it's that my 8 month old went to sleep without a fight.
maybe it's the man in my life who does everything in his power to keep this family fed, clothed, sheltered and loved.
maybe it's the snow falling outside. snow is oh so very appropriate at this time of year.
maybe it's the upcoming holiday and birthday and holiday and anniversary.
maybe it's the perfection of a sunday afternoon nap.
maybe it's the ideas jumbling through my head of things i'd like to accomplish and become.
maybe it's serendipity.

who knows. but whatever it is that is causing this feeling of giddiness it's something i'm enjoying.

xoxo

if you ever

feel like your life just sucks or couldn't get any worse and need a good, well-written, pick-me-up kind of blog to read check out either nienie dialogues or c jane enjoy it. stephanie nielson (nienie dialogues) and her husband were in a plane crash awhile back and she was burned over a good portion of her body. while she was fighting for her life her sister, courtney jane (c jane) took care of her children, documented stephanie's fight, and started a massive fund raising effort via blogging for her sister's health care costs. in fact if you blog surf at all you've at least heard of these ladies. i recommend the read because they both write well and from the heart.

that's all. my two cents. take it for what it's worth, which is about two cents.

love you all (i think).

Family Pics

Recently had the opportunity to take some family photos. Went to the Wheeler Farm and had a fairly decent time, though H. was practicing his "being 2 = being difficult" skills again. Because of this there were no great pics of the kids together and few pics of H. smiling at all. Ah, well. It's about the memories, right?

--and yes, Melanie, I will be sending you some for your family photo collection.

i have friends. shocking perhaps, but true. --i have friends who... well, who are funny. at least they're funny to me because they would never understand the life that i now lead. i look at their blogs which are festooned with martha stewart-esque photos and ideas for projects and perfectly coifed children and comments about the horror that are red-necks. these are the same people who would never understand the above pics of my husband and i who spent a weekend night not too long ago cutting up and grinding the deer he had shot the week before.

true confessions, though? i wouldn't have understood it either until i lived it. and you know what? it ain't that bad.--though sometimes i do wish i were the type to have martha stewart -esque photos and perfectly coifed children.

a rant. *sometimes more isn't better, linus. sometimes it's just more*

i'm a fan of halloween, really i am. i am not a fan of women/girls using halloween to dress like a sexy ___________. you fill in the blank. i'm not editing a cuss word i'm just saying anything can be made into a sexy something. a sexy nurse. a sexy cat. a sexy superhero. a sexy nun. what?!? that's right a sexy nun. a sexy school girl. a sexy fairytale character. a sexy devil. a sexy witch. a sexy ghost. listen. i get it. everybody wants the chance to feel sexy. but for most of us being scantily clad at a party in your neighbor's living room is really not the way to go. truthfully, being scantily clad, for most of us, is not the way to leave the house period. i'm not saying don't dress scantily. i'm just saying don't leave the house. because when you leave the house in that sexy cop outfit i'm forced to look away and feel awkward just as if i were listening to you sing in public and knew you weren't very good. if you must be a scanty dresser then please, for the love, do it behind closed doors. do not force the rest of us, who just want to eat a few witch's finger bread sticks and candy corns while drinking homemade root beer (or whatever it is we're drinking), look at your rolls and cottage cheese and muffin tops. you are an attractive individual just not as the sexy big bad wolf. i'm all for natural beauty. down with and damn the skinny minnies! but this does not mean that squeezing a size 10 body into a size 6 sexy mail carrier costume is something i want to behold. in fact, i'd like to know who it was that decided the more skin you show the sexier and more appealing you are? please, ladies. let's start listening to stacy london and clinton kelly on this matter instead of larry flint and joe francis.

and, lest we forget. what we catch in life all depends on what we use for bait.

end....scene.

xoxo

more halloween

Just a bit more from the pumpkin carving. Neighbor kids, Bailey and Taylor. Brent's proudest pumpkin (the white ghost). Hayden using a drill. You know, basic Halloween stuff. Actually, H. had/has been a bit under the weather with a cold (which he seems to get at least once a month). At this point he was just happy to get outside and into the sunshine to enjoy a little father/son time. He really digs on that stuff.

A Bit o' Halloween.

The pumpkin carving with power tools. Only Brent would carve this way.

Pretty cute kid, eh?

Trick or treating with Dad.

Thanks Megan for making the pig costume! Everybody, and I mean everybody thought it was just fabulous.

bragging rights.

hayden, as has been mentioned before, is rather entertaining. some recent moments shared:

me to scout when she was extremely tired and cranky: oh, scout! you're driving me crazy!

hayden: oh! you're killing me!

********************************

my mom was watching h. for a bit and i called to tell her i was on my way.

g-ma: hayden's just telling me about stegosaurus and that he has plates on his back.

me: oh! are teaching him about dinosaurs?

g-ma: um, noooo. you're not teaching him?

hayden in the background: stegosaurus has plates on his back. seven plates on his back.

(i'm assuming he's gotten this from the pbs kids show dinosaur train which he has watched maybe 3 times).

******************************

while in church we were coloring some thomas pictures and hayden points to the trains in the picture: that's mavis and james.

then he points off of the paper and says: toby's over here, in the quarry.

ah, yes, of course. toby is in the quarry.

******************************

on our way to the park we passed a house with a skeleton/grim reaper on the front lawn (halloween really is kind of a weird holiday) and hayden asked what it was. i told him and he then proceeded to greet the scary man. who of course didn't respond, but it didn't stop hayden from trying to strike up a conversation.

later, we were playing "i spy" and i said: i spy with my little eye a stop sign!

hayden responded: an octagon.

******************************

i can share these moments because, as his mother, i have bragging rights. i am overly proud of and impressed with this kid on a daily basis. how we managed to create him is beyond me.

because they're worth it

Well hello you little scooter, you.


sometimes you just gots to bawl.

hey, at least he'll wear them... hayden and his "thomas big-boys".

part of me

Robert De Niro said, "One of the things about acting is it allows you to live other people's lives without having to pay the price."

this sums up why i love theatre. why i loved acting, though i was only mediocre (i wonder if at my age now, however, if i would be a better actor considering i've had a bit more life experience). why i loved directing and why i loved teaching. how fabulous and amazing is it to have the ability and opportunity to live someone else's story and still be able to walk away at the end of the day? isn't that something we all wish for on occasion? and not only live it for a bit, but learn something from it? or help an audience catch a glimpse into the lives of others. good, good stuff.

man, i miss that gig. i miss all that is a part of making a theatre production happen. maybe, when these two crazy kids o' mine are a little older i'll pick it up again...maybe.

Here's to you

My heart, prayers, and love go out to all of those of you who are dealing with some form of personal tragedy. I don't know what it is about September/October 2009, but here's to hoping for a healthy and happy rest of the year.
xoxo
-J

Life in Pictures...

About a month ago I had my first "free day" when I could eat anything I wanted. I started that day off with this scrump-diddly-umptious meal. What are you looking at? Those would be chocolate pancakes with vanilla syrup (evaporated milk, butter, and sugar). I found the recipe in this cookbook. They were D-vine, but almost did me in for the day. Super tasty and super rich!

Zucchinis grown in my very own backyard. I'm seriously proud of my hubby on this one. He's done a fabulous job of caring for the veggies in our garden and then I get to try them in all kinds of recipes. Including Zucchini brownies (which Hayden LOVED). mmm mmm good.

So Many Things...

Gratitude is king. Here are some things I am grateful for:

* one stop shopping. i realize that wal-mart is the evil empire, but i can't help myself. i also love target, smith's marketplace, etc.

* playgroup on tuesdays. aah. sweet quiet.

* crisp fall air

* home grown meals. yesterday our dinner was spaghetti squash with sauce and the squash, tomatoes, green peppers and zucchini's all came from our garden.

* a husband with skills and some serious patience for me. so glad he loves me.

* two kids who are my world.

* family and in-law family who just couldn't get any better.

* health.

* work that somehow keeps coming.

* technology (i love technology...)

* good friends

* diet soda (aaaah! i know. got to get over that one)

* functioning cars

* love, life, and the pursuit of happiness

* white noise cds that help keep children asleep

* weight loss so i can start wearing my cute clothes again

* good books

* good movies

* good food

* good company

* baby's laugh

* toddler's who say, "my turn" while they take your mascara and attempt to put it on

* freezer meals

and so on, and so on, and so on...

We've had a bit of a scary weekend, the family and I.
It all started earlier this week when Hayden seemed to be having some allergy issues (runny/itchy eyes, runny nose, etc.) I gave him Benadryl and that seemed to work for the first couple of days. Wednesday, however, it did not. He had a runny nose all day and a cough was developing. I figured within the next couple of days we would be in the doctor's office for a fabulous nebulizer treatment--since I am out of the albuterol needed for our neb machine at home. Sure enough Thursday morning H. woke up at 6:30 crying and sounding horrible. He was wheezy and his cough was extremely tight. I gave him a puff or two from his inhaler and that seemed to work for about an hour then he tightened right up again. I called the doctor's office and made an appointment for 9:45 and hoped I could hold him off until then. He cried and was barely able to talk and just wanted to be held. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and we went to the doctor's about 30 minutes early. He fell asleep or passed out on the way there (I couldn't tell which) and the nurse rushed us right in to check the O2 levels in his blood and give him a treatment. They like the oxygen level to be at at least 90% and Hayden's fluctuated between 75 and 82% and with the oxygen on his face it was only at 88%.
The doc then came in and told me that we were going to have to take him to Primary Children's Hospital. --You know, somehow saying "Primary's" makes it all sound so much more scary. I mean, if she had just said, "He needs to go to the hospital." I don't think my blood pressure would have shot up nearly as much. --Then she (the doc) said he'd have to go by ambulance because they didn't want him to be off the oxygen for the amount of time it would take for me to drive him. GLORY BE! There it went again! My heart rate just spiked... I called Brent, on the office phone since I'd forgotten my cell phone, and told him the situation. Only what he heard was that Hayden wasn't breathing and they were taking him by ambulance to Primary's. Imagine the thoughts going through his head... what I actually said was that Hayden was having a hard time breathing, still scary but not as life threatening as if he'd already stopped.
Long story short, too late, several things happened at once: B got to the doc's office the same time the ambulance did, and H. set his mind at ease by looking up at him and saying, "Hi, Daddy." B. took Scout to our house where she was handed off to her uncle Luke and H and I rode in the ambulance to the Hospital. You know, ambulance rides look much smoother on TV.
We were in the ER for 3 hours while they gave H several treatments, but he didn't really respond to any of them so they admitted him. I can't tell you how hard it is to watch people put oxygen tubes in your 2 year old's nose and have him cry and say "Take it off, mommy. Take it off." and not be able to do anything but hold him tell him it's ok (especially if you're not sure it is). We were in the hospital until Friday evening when H finally responded to treatments and was able to sleep without the oxygen.
So, now we are home and still have to give him albuterol every 6 hours and prednisone twice a day and he still has a horrible cold (which Scout now also has). We will also have to give him a Flovent puff (inhaler) every day whether he is showing symptoms of an asthma attack or not. Pretty scary stuff, I must say. But some good things did come of it and here they are, listed in no particular order:

* Luke and Megan didn't hesitate one bit when Brent asked them to come get Scout and to keep her indefinitely.
* Julie drove down to the ER to see little H just to make sure he was ok. While she was there she asked H if he would like her to sing him a song about trains to which he politely responded, "that's okay."
* Michelle brought us food and coloring stuff while we were waiting in the ER
* My parents kept Scout over night and brought her up to the Hospital to eat.
* My down the street neighbor and morning walking buddy brought by some food, a toy, and much needed caffeine.
* Hayden said lots of funny things like when the nurse would tap tap tap at the door he would say, "come in!" and he told one of the nurses, "bye, lisa" after she introduced herself.

All in all I am grateful for our families and our neighbors and the people who love us. I hope we don't have to do that again any time soon. AND I hope B doesn't freak out too much when the bills start to arrive, we just finished paying for little Scout after all.

we camped for labor day weekend.

the man, the girl and i drove to the grey's river in wyoming and stayed in our trailer. where was boy, you ask? having a grand time with nana and bapa (my parents). there are some of you who may think me a wimp for not taking both kids on this adventure. i just call it, "knowing my limits". truth be told i am not a natural born camper i'm not even an unnatural born camper. i come by that honestly however, i mean, have you met my family? i go for three reasons: 1) my husband loves it 2) i love my husband and 3) if i want to see my husband during this time of year this is where i must go. and so i went, sans the two year old who is the epitome of a busy boy and would have been a source of extra stress in an environment i'm already fairly uncomforable in.

oddly enough, i really had a good time. i slept well and slept in--something i haven't done in an insanely long time. i attribute the sleeping well to my husband's foresight in purchasing a new/used trailer that had heat, running water, and a bathroom. camping is much more endurable under such circumstances. i also was able to spend some quality one on one time with my beautiful little girl who is developing quite the personality. i had such a nice time that when it was time to come home i was almost bummed (though i was excited to see my boy). i do think that next year, though, i would like to that particular trip without children at all. now that would be relaxing.

the pics are fairly self explanatory, but here's a little sum up.

1. scout catching up on her gossip ( i think she's "reading" People magazine). she ate more than she read though and i know this because she eliminated a piece of magazine the next morning. now that's an odd sight in a diaper.

2. our camping buddies, brent's cousin's fam: tavis and amber ervin and co.

3.the hunter

4. mom and girl

5.scout's first night camping, she looks pretty excited, eh?

6. grey's river, wyoming